Balance being a CEO with being a good husband and father
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Hi Reader, “Did you still make your 12 year old milk the goat at your farm before you go to the airport to fly on a private jet?” “Yes, actually,” I said. My friend was giving me a hard time, but his joke is somewhat relevant to what I want to talk about today. Someone asked how I balance being the face of a company, and being CEO, with still being a good husband and father. It’s a good question, but it begs another: what is a good husband and father? The answer will vary depending on who you ask. But something that’s important to me is trying to live a very integrated and present life. Whether that’s date night with Hilary, playing pickleball with Oliver, or woodworking projects with August. It’s spending time, but it’s also spending quality time. That means not pulling out my phone when I’m present with my family. Being a good father to me ultimately looks like showing my kids that I love and accept them no matter what. I care way more about that than what I might teach them or how they behave. That sounds nice to say, but it’s easy to forget in the moment. Sometimes, I might be frustrated while playing pickleball with Oliver and want to ask him why he feels the need to argue about every play. I have to remind myself: I’m not trying to change his behavior, I’m trying to create a container in which he can live his life. It also looks like emotional intelligence (something I didn’t understand until much later in life). Creating space for, and teaching my kids how to name, their emotions. Beyond date nights, being a good husband means understanding what’s important to my wife and ensuring we stay in alignment with our values. Entrepreneurs are optimists (otherwise, we wouldn't do what we do), so it’s easy for us to sell the dream. But it’s so important to be honest with your spouse. Let’s say you have a big dream and want to take a risk. Lay it all out there. Talk about the worst case scenarios. Your spouse might be thinking the worst case means moving in with parents, whereas you’re thinking, “Oh, no... worst case, I’d get a job.” It’s important to get on the same page. As far as the “how” of balancing… My answer is: systems and flywheels. What are the key inputs that will give me the highest leverage? That’s the most important question I ask myself. For example, let’s say I need to record a product video. Past Me would ask, “What’s new? How should we talk about it?” I’d pull up all of the examples, get the screencast just right, and then send it off to a video editor. But now? We have a system. I don’t decide what the video is about. I don’t write the script. I don’t record the b-roll. My team does all of that. I show up and record for a few minutes, and my work is done. That’s essentially how I do everything that I do. It’s the only way I can do what I do, really, and still have a life and spend time with my family. If there’s someone else who can do it, or should do it, or who can do it better, they are doing it. I stick to things that only I can do (and that list gets smaller over time). But even as that list dwindles, there are still seasons in which there will be times I have to buckle down, work hard, or go on a trip. I don’t feel guilty about those times though. The important thing is that it’s a season and not a habit. The guilt comes from focusing too much on the question, “Am I working too much?” I like to reverse the question: Instead of setting a goal of a maximum amount of time to be away, set a goal of a minimum amount of time to be present. Then make sure to hit that goal. X POSTOn Hats, Haircuts, and TattoosI always love the way James Clear breaks down ideas and concepts into simple, easy-to-remember analogies. This one is about decisions. It’s short and sweet and worth the 2-minute read. PODCASTHabits, Generosity, and Cultivating Excellence with James ClearJames was also recently on a new podcast that was just launched by my good friend, Barrett Brooks. Barrett, ConvertKit’s former COO, started the Good Work podcast with a goal to answer two driving questions he’s had throughout his career:
He set out to record a podcast that features conversations you can’t hear anywhere else. This is because he does a ton of research on every guest in order to ask questions you haven’t heard guests asked on any other show. So if you’re interested in hearing some unique insights from James you haven’t heard in any of his other interviews, this is a good one. While you’re at it, subscribe to Barrett’s podcast. Watch or listen to episode » BOOKThe Coddling of the American MindThis book examines the psychological shift towards a culture that prioritizes emotional well-being over intellectual discomfort. The authors make a case for how some well-intentioned actions meant to protect young people may unintentionally contribute to fragility. The arguments provided are meant to encourage readers to reflect on their own beliefs and consider the appropriate balance between comfort and exposure to diverse viewpoints. Have a great week! —Nathan |